Four Voice Mail Messages From Mom Come to Fruition

Four Voice Mail Messages From Mom Come to Fruition

  1. “Hi Tee, it’s Mom. I left you two messages already. Did you forget you have a mother?”


Tee: “…I know it frustrates him. I always accuse him of dialing it in, of not really feeling what he says he feels when I ask him how he feels.”

Therapist: “But he responds to your questions when you ask him, right?”

Tee: “Yeah…But I don’t believe him.”

Therapist: “Have you considered that he doesn’t like being put on the spot to defend his feelings?”

Tee: “If his feelings are genuine he shouldn’t mind, right?”

Therapist: “Not necessarily. It’s challenging to engage with particular feelings on demand, especially when the conversation already has tension. You should try to center the mood of the conversation in the belief that you are loved. That way you won’t come across as being defensive.”

Tee: “But what if I DON’T believe it? That’s the problem we have from the start!”

Therapist: “Try tapping into the well of unconditional love you had as a child, and apply it to your relationship with your husband.”

Tee: “My well of what?”

Therapist: “Unconditional love. You know, the earliest love you experienced. From your mother.”

Tee: “My what?”

Therapist: “Your mother.”

Tee: (Long pause) “Oh…Shit.”

Therapist: “What?”

Tee: “I..I guess I forgot.”

Therapist: “Forgot what?”

Tee: “I forgot that I had a mother.”


  1. “Hi Tee, it’s Mom. I was looking at photos of my beautiful granddaughter and missing her. Please tell Ivy that Nana loves her!”


Tee: “What? Again? What’s the matter? This is the third time you’ve stopped nursing to scream and cry. What’s going on?”

Ivy: “I feel EMPTY!”

Tee: “Well, that’s why I’m feeding you!”

Ivy: “No, no, no, not THAT. I mean I just feel…I don’t know…I don’t have a lot of words yet. Just…empty.”

Tee: “You’re being fussy. Maybe I shouldn’t have had that glass of wine last night. I thought it would be okay-”

Ivy: “It’s not the wine! Jesus, I told you it’s fine, I WISH I got a buzz off of it!”

Tee: “Calm down, Ivy! Please stop shouting and finish nursing.”

Ivy: “I can’t calm down! I don’t have the emotional maturity to understand my feelings right now! I’m only four months old!”

Tee: “Well, can you try to use your words and explain why you are feeling empty and emotional at the same time?”

Ivy: “It’s…it’s just…”

Tee: “What?”

Ivy: “It’s just…I mean…I know you love me, and Dad, obvi. But, I mean…is that all? It seems like there are so many people outside, and I wonder. Does anyone else love me?”

Tee: “Of course, sweetie! All your friends, and our friends, and our family and neighbors, they all love you!”

Ivy: “And Nana?”

Tee: “Especially Nana. She calls all the time to tell me that. I guess I forgot to tell you today.”

Ivy: “Yeah. I guess you did.”

Tee: “Oh. Sorry.”

Ivy: “Whatevs.”


  1. “Hi Tee, it’s Mom. How did the doctor’s visit go? Call me when you get a chance. I love you to the moon and back!”

Tee: “Secondary O2 is good.”

NASA: “Okay.”

Tee: “DCS looks good.”

NASA: “Okay. You’re a go. Give me IVIs when you are ready.”

Tee: “Thank you. We are thrusting forward.”

NASA: “Your 1-Alpha time is 15:06.”

Tee: “Roger that.”

NASA: “Scorpio VIII, this is Houston. We understand fairings have been jettisoned.”

Tee: “Affirm.”

NASA: “Okay. Get ready for the first checklist.”

Tee: “Stand by one.”

NASA: “Okay.”

Tee: “Okay. I’m ready to read.”

NASA: “Okay. Scorpio VIII: Status ready.”

Tee: “Sequence light test.”

NASA: “Roger. Here we go.”

Tee: “IVIs after the burn at 18 with secondary O2 to close. ”

NASA: “Affirm.”

Tee: “Roger. Orbit has changed 87 to 147. We are go for a nominal M equals 4. Are all systems okay?”

NASA: “Roger. All systems okay and standing by for UHF number two love level check”

Tee: “Nana love level check affirmative to the moon. Now just to replicate the status upon our return.”

NASA: “Roger that, Scorpio VIII. Roger that indeed.”


  1. “Hi Tee, it’s Mom. I just saw your photo on Instagram of Ivy in her bassinet. You really need to put her to sleep in her own room from now on. I know she’s only four months old, but you really need to start her early on sleeping on her own. You can’t have her in your room her whole life!”


Ivy: (Loud crash) “Oof. Sorry!”

Tee: (Waking suddenly) “IVY? What time is it?”

Ivy: “Sorry, mom. (Hic.) Didn’t mean to wake you. Umm…it’s…3:45.”

Tee: “Jesus, Ivy! Try to be a little quieter! Your father has to be up in two hours!”

Ivy: “Sorry!”

Tee: “Why are you home so late?”

Ivy: “It’s not THAT late. (Hic.) Oh, wait. I guess it is late. Um, I don’t know, I guess we had to blow off a lot of steam.”

Tee: “It’s a Tuesday night. At the very least you should be waiting for the weekend.”

Ivy: “Please don’t start, Mom. You have no idea how tough law school is.”

Tee: “I know. You’re just going to be exhausted tomorrow.”

Ivy: “Let me live my life. (Hic.) I know what I’m doing.”

Tee: “You’re drunk. Get some sleep.”

Ivy: “That’s what I’m trying to do. Move over!”

Tee: “I did move over! You’re the one flopping around taking up half the bed.”

Ivy: (Hic.) “Sorry.”

Tee: “Just go to sleep. Maybe your grandmother was right. You really should sleep in your own room.”

Ivy: “Nah. I’m fiiiiiiine. (Hic.) I love you. I never want to leave.”

Tee: “I love you too. You’re right. I hope you never leave.”




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Lists Editor

Sep 22 (9 days ago)
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